Catch this feeling

I’ve been trying to catch this feeling,

I’ve been trying to understand my own mortality.

 

I’ve felt it before

my humanity,

the knowledge that death comes 

for some before they live,

but not me.

 

I’m trying to catch this feeling

I’m trying to understand my own mortality.

The feeling’s been waning for a while now

so I’m reading obituaries.

This feeling is unsustainable

but I want it to be sustained.

So, I read more and more

in the hopes to be saved by words on a page

and sentences to my soul

but the paragraphs just contain letters I don’t know.

 

I’ve felt it before

my humanity,

the knowledge that death comes 

for some before they live,

but not me,

not me?

— L.L.